The truth is I’ve been sick.
So damn sick.
I wake in the morning and feel sick and it stays with me all day.
I’ve been tired.
I’ve been lazy.
At first I worried about telling the world why I’m sick.
Worried about what everyone would say.
Worried about their worries.
Worried about the stuff that would come up for them.
And then I surrendered to the worry knowing that I am happier than I’ve ever been and I will be okay no matter what.
Because the most incredible thing has happened TO me… FOR me.
I’m growing a little miracle inside me.
My love and I have been blessed with a baby.
I couldn’t be more excited.
I couldn’t be more scared.
I couldn’t be more proud of my body.
For so long I was so scared that this would be a hard road because for so many women in my life it has been.
I know I’m a one of the blessed ones but I also know that I’ve worked damn hard to get here AND it could have been a lot different had I not educated myself.
At first I felt a little guilty in a way that I was ‘one of them’ that just got pregnant.. that it was ‘easy’ for; one of those people I used to judge.
But the truth is that I’ve wanted this for so long too.
Every time I saw someone announce their pregnancy, every time I saw a young mum with a gorgeous bump, every time I saw a baby I’d feel a ting of ‘I want that’.
When I met my partner I knew that he was the one and as we began merging our lives I fell more and more in love with him.. I became more and more sure that I wanted to build a beautiful life with him and make our own rules.
We talked about babies all the time.
About wanting to be young parents.
About how cute out little creation would be.
I just had this fear.
Fear that my norm wouldn’t be accepted by society, fear that I couldn’t do it, fear about my body, fear that I’d stuff it up…
To not be married.
To be ‘young’.
To not have a ‘secure’ job.
But like I tell you babe, when you overcome that fear the magic happens!
And it’s because of that that I can proudly, excitedly and with a heart bursting with love tell you that I am almost 15 weeks pregnant!