The energy of like-minded women connecting, sharing and learning together…really is invaluable.
We are blessed here at Mummy Mind Detox to experience it week after week through the MMD program, and it never gets old.
Too often we find ourselves connecting over our problems; the things that we don’t like about ourselves, our bosses, our friends, our family, or our partners. Connecting about disconnections. Because that’s what problems are – they are amplified, and justified stories that we make up in our heads… they are our ego (Negative Nancy).
In the past I’ve used the example of dishes and every time it resonates…
I used to get so angry, so resentful with my partner because I couldn’t stand leaving dishes in the sink. It used to cause a lot of arguments and if it didn’t cause an argument it caused massive upset for me because rather than telling him how I felt I’d bottle it up and then BAM I’d burst.
When I took some time out to think about WHY leaving dishes in the sink was a problem for me two things came up:
1. What would people think? What would happen if someone unexpectedly came over to my house and there were dishes in the sink? They’d think I was lazy, disgusting… I’d be disappointed in myself.
2. Why can’t he just do them without me asking? Why do I always have to do them? This would make me feel unloved and like he didn’t care enough about me to do what he knew would make me happy.
What am I doing in both of those instances? I’m blaming. I’m justifying myself. I’m not being the person I want to be. Because the person I want to be wouldn’t care about a few dishes in the sink because really, it’s not a big deal – she’d let it go. The person I want to be would know that my boyfriend loves me A LOT and him not doing the dishes isn’t about me and he doesn’t mean to make me feel like that.
I can honestly say that this is no longer an issue in our relationship because I dealt with my own shit.
Some of you might be reading this thinking ‘what the hell is she complaining about she should be lucky to have a boyfriend’ and some might be nodding their heads screaming ‘I hear ya’. I am thankful to have my boyfriend, I’m thankful every day that I am able to love and be loved by the man of my dreams but that doesn’t mean that our relationship is perfect.
But I want you to take from this story two things:
1. Would you rather be happy or be right?
Is the thing that’s annoying you, making you angry and hurting you in alignment with the person that you WANT to be? Wouldn’t you rather let things go than bottle them up and let them hurt you? Because let’s be honest – it’s hurting you more than it’s hurting them!
2. Connect and reconnect
Next time you’re sitting around with your girlfriends having a whinge about yourself, your situation or someone in your life rather than creating more bad energy try to find the lesson and the solution. Ask each other how you can make it better, what you’d like the solution to be and then go about resolving it rather than whingeing and complaining and then never getting it solved. The energy at the workshop completely shifted when we went from talking about the dishes problem to resolving the dishes problem. It was so much lighter, brighter and happier – it felt a million times BETTER. For some reason we are tuned to look at the negatives but you CAN consciously focus on the positives – and trust me, that’s where the magic happens!
How much longer are you going to let you ego keep winning?
How much longer are you going to keep justifying that crappy feeling?
How much more time are you going to spend blaming everyone else?
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With love today & always,